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Welcome to Movie Life Crisis. Join us as we watch the best movies from 30 years ago.
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Bill and Stan are in deep trouble, and only one man can save them.
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My Cousin Vinny.
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How long you've practice?
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Almost six weeks, but with Vinny's style two utes.
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What is a ute? And Lisa's mouth.
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You think I'm hostile now? Wait till you see me tonight.
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They're dead meat. Joe Pesci is My Cousin Vinny. You two know each other?
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She's my fiancee.
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Probably now. Still with it. Available now on home video. Rated art.
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Available now on home video. My Cousin Vinny Movie Life Crisis season two, episode two, My Cousin Vinny.
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Season Two that still weirds me out that we've been doing it already for two seasons.
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I know. I can't wait for the season one residuals to start showing up in my mailbox because I really could use some new equipment.
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Not going to happen.
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Not going to happen. We got all the chimney dogs we can. But yes. Season two, episode two, My Cousin Vinny very excited to talk about this movie. Very excited for our guests. But before then, we have a review that we would like to get right into. It's our first bad review. Yes. And because we want to get better, we're going to just read it and talk about it and see what maybe we should be doing differently or what we should do better. So your title is Fake Movie Fans when it comes to creating a movie podcast, the team involved should have an extensive knowledge of film. This team fails at that, not knowing the replacement actress for Jennifer Parker providing incorrect information and names on movies. The dynamic is good, yeah, all right. But their informational context is bad. Being a longtime movie lover, this podcast misses the Mark as it doesn't showcase the true movie fan. To be a lover of film, they should appreciate the films and not criticize them, I. E. Complaining that the film is too long or too loud. Jeff, Fake Movie Fan Discuss I like movies.
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I really enjoy it. I like hearing that that person doesn't like that we don't like it enough, but it seems like we gave every movie at least a six and a half out of ten. That seems all right. It doesn't mean we hate any movies, right?
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I grew up like watching people watch the Saints and watch LSU. And never in my life did it occur to me that if you're a fan, you're supposed to love everything. All I ever heard was my uncle swearing at the TV. I thought that was what fandom was.
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Blind allegiance to the team is not what I thought either. I really like watching movies. I wanted to learn more about how they're made and how to break them down. But I'm just talking about the stuff that I like that makes me giggle. That's I thought what we were doing here.
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Totally. I like that it said this team fails, it's just us. There's no team.
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We are the team.
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It's just two chubby middle aged guys. Even the intern never shows up for work if we get something wrong. Here's the thing. I know exactly what he's talking about. We were talking about Terminator Two. We got into a time travel discussion, and I was countering a point that you made by bringing up how and Back to the Future. The actress that played Jennifer Parker changed from movie one to movie two. But I forgot that actress's name and I could have stopped and looked it up. I have the Internet in front of me. That's how this is happening.
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It's not worth it. No, no.
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But here's the thing, though. I opted not to look it up because I like the flow to happen. Like we're just two idiots talking about movies. If we're talking about Terminator Two, I have the Terminator Two actors down, but I forgot Claudia Wells, who played Jennifer Parker in Back to the Future.
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Claudia Wells. That is her name.
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A message on Instagram to a teller that I'd forgotten her name during a Terminator Two podcast. She could forgive me. She hasn't answered yet, but if she does, I will. I'll put that on the podcast.
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Is she still alive?
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Oh, yeah. She has a clothing boutique in La. She seems to be doing very well. Nice shout out, Claudia Wells, you were phenomenal. Nothing personal. We are just talking about Terminator Two. But yeah. Thank you for this constructive criticism. We will take it to heart. And when we can afford to hire people to make sure we don't get anything wrong, we'll do that. But in the meantime, we're just two idiots and we're going to get stuff wrong. And liking movies means that sometimes we don't like everything anyway.
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Absolutely. All right.
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We do have a guest for today's episode who we will bring in a little bit later. But she actually is a movie expert and an entertainment professional. So if she messes anything up, she should be absolutely crucified. And I'm just kidding. Don't do that.
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They should send a bad message in for her then.
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Yes, we'll link her social media. So if you can do that, if you want to name that tune your One for One on the Years.
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Oh, my God. I keep forgetting about this. And I keep telling myself I get scared because 92 is bad.
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Good. The top 100 is like 93 songs that you would get immediately. But I think this is one you might have a little trouble with.
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So here you go. You can stop. Is this how do I talk to Angels by the Heights? Dude, I don't know. It just sticks in there.
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I would have never gotten that.
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Is that the right artist? The Heights?
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Yes. Okay, the Heights. Name another song from the Heights. I'll give you $1,000.
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Dude, I don't know what the Heights even look like.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(295672) )}
And the reason you don't know that is because that's a band that was made up for a TV show called The Heights. And that song was the theme song for the TV show, and it got canceled after a half a season. There aren't any other Heights songs.
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I didn't know that. And also, I don't know why I knew who that was.
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I don't either. That's ridiculous.
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Two for two, though. Now I'm getting my confidence back.
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Now I felt like a soft rock like ballad from a group no one ever heard of. I thought that would be a good curveball, but you just fucking smashed it. You teed off on that curveball like 2001 Berry Bonds. All right, my cousin Vinny, give us a synopsis.
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Quick synopsis. Two New Yorkers accused of murder in a rural part of Alabama, when they're driving back to go to College has to call on one of their cousins who is a lawyer and he doesn't have any trial experience. And he tries to win the case.
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Daniel son and his friend get busted for murder, but not really. And then they call in my cousin Vinny and his girlfriend, Marisa Tome to help out in Alabama.
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He is in Alabama and he kills a good old boy. There's no way this is not going to trial.
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They're all crooked. You know how it is down here. They sleep with their sister.
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What some of them do.
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$11 million budget, $64 million gross. I was actually surprised that this movie only did $64 million.
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It's probably more popular now than it was when it was out in the movie theater.
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Yes, I was surprised last week when Sister Act had done $230,000,000 in the open. But I mean, 11 million and you get 64 back. That's pretty good. But I was like 64 million people should have been going to see this movie. Marissa told me won an Oscar for best supporting Actress. And I'll tell you, once I got done watching this movie, I was really mad that there were not more Oscar victories for this movie.
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Yeah, it was really well put together. I enjoyed it.
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Did you have any other awards?
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I had the American Comedy Awards. Joe Pesci got the Funniest Actor and the Circuit Community Awards, best Actress for Supporting role, Marisa Tomei, and she won best breakthrough Performance at the MTV Movie Awards.
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All right. That other one you said is that from the Hoboken Auto Trader back of the Best Movie Award.
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It's pretty small, but she won something. I thought you won an awards. That's all I did.
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We were going that deep. Say Vincent's Junior High voted it best performance of the year sequel spin offs.
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They almost made a sequel at one point. Joe Pesci wants to do it, but Marisa Tomei didn't. And now they both want to do it and the production company doesn't want to do it.
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Yes, I read that the writer Dale Lanner said in 2012 that he had written a sequel where Vinny was practicing law in England, and I think Marisa Tomei didn't want to do that one, but Joe Pesci was up for it.
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Well, that's because he's from England, too. The writer.
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Yes, I was. Thought you were going to say Joe Pesci. He's way better than I thought as an actor.
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No. By the way, there's another thing that we should mention as a sequel. In the spin off, there is a Vincent LaGuardia Gambini sings Just for you, and it's an album. You can get it on Spotify and YouTube music and all the places you get Apple music and stuff like that. The first song is called Yovenny, and it's just him singing as Vincent Gambini. It's really bad and really good all at the same time.
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Good. I love it there. So what we should do is make an album tie in with Joe Pesci. Yes.
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He's on the cover wearing that, like, 18th century ridiculous outfit that he wore for the judge. That's what's on the cover.
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The velour suit that makes him look like he has a magic show with monkeys.
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Yes, it definitely is. That's the one. Do you remember when you first saw it?
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It may not have been the first time I saw it, but I think I remember watching at Matt Ivanenski's house in junior high. So a couple of years after it came out because he and I were Matt Ivan. Yeah. I used to stay over there all the time, like, so much so that I remember his phone number. Still 56722.
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You should probably beep that out.
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Yeah, I will, but it's in the phone book.
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It's not in the phone book.
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She should be living on Neptune. But, you know, like your childhood friends, like, you remember their parents landline phone number.
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Right. Of course.
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Deep into your brain, like your own Social Security. Yeah, but yeah, I remember he and I watched the movie one time. We were staying at his house, and I don't know if it was the first time I saw it, but I remember he and I fell over laughing for, like three or four years afterwards. Just would say all the time. Identical.
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When that guy said that, we said that all the time. That one in Highness crimes. Those are the two that I just love the way he does that. Yeah. Dude, I don't remember where I saw it. I remember quoting it towards the end of high school was like, big and stuff. So it had to be right after it came out. I don't know. It's fantastic. So I don't really remember it, but I'm glad I saw it. Yeah.
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This is one I saw so many times. It's a miracle. I have one clear memory of seeing it, but I do have that one. And I saw it easy 30 times after that. And if Wendy didn't watch it with me when I rewatched it, she said, we just watched this, me and you last year. I was like, so watch it again. It's freaking amazing.
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So I watched it, then took my notes, and then Cat was like, Wait, I want to watch it. So then we had to watch it again. So what did you give it? If it's so good.
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I got a nine. I got nine out of ten Jimmy dogs.
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If we can't do half, I'm doing nine also, but it's nine and a half for me. It's really close.
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No, I think we said halves are available.
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Okay, I'm going with ten chimney dogs with a bite taken out of it. Nine and a half chimney dogs.
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Dude, I thought hard about nine and a half. I don't want to jam myself up that much.
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But I almost gave it a ten. There's nothing there's nothing I didn't like about this movie. I really enjoyed it.
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It's so good, really strong all the way through, and so freaking funny.
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Very funny.
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All right, cool. Before we get into the best of this movie, we're going to welcome our guest, Jenny Baton. Jenny was a writer and co executive producer on Disenchantment, the Matt Graining animated comedy, and she was the executive producer on the animated Netflix show Hoops. So unlike Jeff and I, she's an entertainment professional who actually makes a living in this industry, and we're super excited to have her join us.
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Guys, I am so happy to be here. I love your podcast. I am going to come at you with a correction already. Please tell us, because earlier when you said you had a guest, you called me a movie expert. And that could not be further from the truth. I know nothing about movies. I don't want to know anything about movies. I like to keep it all in the dark because I don't want homework. That's probably smart TV.
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It's good.
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Call it's more my jam. So get ready for your second bad review from something I will surely say. Also, I have to say, you guys are so impressive with your memory. How do you remember where you were when you watched this 30 years ago? I would never be able to do that.
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A lot of them I remember nothing from, but a lot of times thinking about where I saw the movie, I'll dredge up something that I would have otherwise never been able to access. I couldn't have told you in a casual conversation that I was at Mad. I have an inspiring house watching my Cousin Vinny. But when I started thinking about the earliest my Cousin Vinny memories I had, I just remember me and Matt being 13 and going identical and, like, laughing hysterically in his parents'house.
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That's awesome.
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Well, still impressed either way, but thank you for having me. I'm so busy.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(684078) )}
Of course. Okay, best scenes. Jeff, what's your first one?
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The part where Vinny is cross examining the prosecution's witnesses, and he has the guy who's cooking the grits the magic grits. He's like, cross examining. And he gets to the guy that lives in the trailer with the dirty screen, and he's, like, holding the pictures, and he's telling him the stuff. And he was like, all right, what do we call these big things right here? And the guy's like trees. He's like trees. That's right. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. Just shout it out.
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Don't be afraid. You just shout it out when you know the answer.
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That whole scene, how he sets up all of the. He just lets those people walk into a trap. And that's how he proves his point is fantastic. She says her glasses are fine, and then he proves her wrong. That whole scene. I don't know if that's a scene. If that's just a quote, I don't know. But all three of those people are the part I like the most is that one scene.
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Jenny, all of that courtroom stuff.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(740428) )}
Okay, here's what a scene is.
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Perfect.
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All right, so you read scripts, right?
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Yeah.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(746590) )}
So the very header of the scene that you're about to read, it's called The Slugline. It tells you interior, courtroom, whatever. That all of the dialogue, all of the action underneath that is the scene.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(758742) )}
So that's perfect. Yes.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(760420) )}
So unless there was, like, a major shift in the camera angle, because then it can become a different scene. Like, if the camera goes to a different angle and you're focusing on two different people, that's a separate scene. But, yeah, pretty much everything under that.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(774988) )}
So is it generally like. I mean, not to be too prescriptive, but would it be like a location change or like a significant time lapse? We start on the courtroom until we leave the courtroom. We could call that one scene.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(786474) )}
Yes. I mean, it depends. If there is a time lapse, there's a different scene, like you said. But, yeah, for the most part, if you're staying in the courtroom, that's going to be a scene.
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All right.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(796120) )}
Yeah. They're cuts, but I think it's all one scene.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(799098) )}
Nice. Cool. We'll have you on next year to explain what acts are. We'll just build it up one at a time, and then, like, five years, we'll know everything there is.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(807952) )}
Probably get that wrong. Perfect.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(810628) )}
Jt, what's your first one?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(812200) )}
My first one, obviously. Vinny and JT, the ass kicking negotiation counter offer. I pulled a quote from it, but I don't know if I'm going to play it, because even after I edited it down, it's like a minute 30. It was like three minutes and 45 seconds. And I was like, trimming and trimming and trimming. I was like, this might be too long to play, but obviously, JT, my name's sake.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(830874) )}
You were named for him?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(831760) )}
Vinny and JT in this movie, the Ass kicking negotiation. I just loved that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(835864) )}
When he breaks it down and his friends start laughing at him, he's like, I could use a good ass kicking. I got to be honest. But I think I'm going to go with option B. And they start laughing, man. That's great, dude.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(847734) )}
And the whole time throughout the conversation, he's, like, negotiating with him, and he keeps stopping to look at the guy with the neck brace. He's like, what happened? You fall down? And like, he goes back to talking to JT. I could use a good ask it. Can I be perfectly honest with you? If you fall down at work, he's like, no, it's your place, okay.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(863308) )}
And they carry those jokes all the way through, and he just keeps showing up with, like, the 20 wrapped around the ones. Like, they just keep coming back.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(870100) )}
Look here, little Yankee boy. I got your money.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(871972) )}
Fantastic.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(873018) )}
Yeah, that's number one for me, Jane.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(874614) )}
What's yours?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(875190) )}
I didn't know we were supposed to have more than one. I only have one for each of these categories.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(879150) )}
That's perfect.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(879844) )}
But I got to go with they're talking about what he's going to wear for the deer hunting. I just love her so much. It was so beautifully written. It was so perfect. I cracked up, oh, man. And there was also one of my favorite quotes, and she was like, what did she say? Like, the deer is not going to give a with the guy who what kind of pants the son of a bitch is wearing. Who shot me?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(906850) )}
Shot you. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, that was Oscar winning delivery.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(912750) )}
Yeah. And I like how she goes into the bathroom at that point. He's like, what about these pants? And she just slams the door and he's like, yelling like that, man. So good.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(922000) )}
I love it. That's how he calls her, too.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(925210) )}
All right, Jeff, what's your next scene?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(926598) )}
When he's talking to Mona Lisa Vito and she's on the witness stand and he says, does the defense case hold water? And she has that, like, Epiphany? Like, oh, no, I know it's now or whatever it is. A 62 Pontiac Tempest or whatever. That whole thing. I like that she has the Apostrophe. Yeah, she has the Apostrophe and realizes that it's not a 64 Buick Skylock. It is a 63 Pineapple Tempest.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(953046) )}
Yes, I got that one as well. It's like the climax of the movie, and it's a freaking genius. And I loved it.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(958276) )}
Yeah, it's really good.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(959200) )}
I thought it was kind of ballsy for him with his cousin's life and the balance to not just tell his fiance beforehand, like, hey, check this out. These tire tracks are the wrong thing. Go up there, and then I'm going to ask you about it. He just throws it at her on the stand. Like, what if she misses that and then his cousin gets put to death?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(974058) )}
You could say it after that. Dude, when he set it up, I thought this whole thing was really well put together. I don't know if this is how it is in real court.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(983286) )}
I did too.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(983956) )}
It's not like Law and Order. I hate to bash Law and Order again since we got trashed for that on Twitter, but it was really well put together. And if lawyers are like this, I could see why they get paid so much money.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(993784) )}
Well, I can't speak for the case itself being well put together, but I will say, as a movie plot, this thing was so good. These things were laid in very early. They were thrown away. They were used later, she comes around, she's the hero. And I think that it speaks to their relationship that he didn't have a plan. He just knew her so well.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1014748) )}
Right.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1015012) )}
You know what I mean? And they played on their ten year history really well.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1018708) )}
And the fact that my wife and I were talking about how he worked at her dad's car place, and that's why they know so much about cars in the first place. It lucked out. That's why they don't go to the electric chair, because they know about cars. And that's kind of cool.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(1034068) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1034716) )}
Going back to the lawyer part of this case, there's a bunch of stuff written about this movie from law professors and law review magazines going like, here's what you can learn about actual court cases for my Cousin Vinny. Lawyers love to write stuff, and it's pretty well chronicled how accurate the law is in this movie.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1052202) )}
The American Bar Association, the General ranked at number three on the 25 greatest legal movies. Get out the whole idea of the cross examination thing that I was talking about where he lets him fall into the trap. Everybody says this is like an abridged but very succinct representation of the judicial system and the witness and having the expert and then you recall them.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1075384) )}
And all that stuff is like, yeah, but there's a bunch of stuff with lawyers going like, here's all the stuff that is dead on ball is accurate about my Cousin Vinny.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1083102) )}
That's an industry term.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1084434) )}
Should we be concerned at all that this man had no idea what he was doing and it was very accurate in a court of law?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1091260) )}
The writer, I think, is he a lawyer or something, or he studied law. I don't know.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1096870) )}
The director went to law school. I don't know about the writer. He might have just been a smart guy.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1101184) )}
So, yeah, I had JT also as my other third one. So what's your other one?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1105456) )}
My other one was when Vinny cross examines the first witness, the two utes, and then does water soak into a grid faster on your stove? Did the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1115170) )}
The fact that they set the grits joke up or that whole idea when he went to breakfast earlier that morning, when they open up the menu and it's only breakfast, lunch and dinner, he's like, what do you think? Breakfast? And then he gets the guy behind the counter to tell him what a grid is and how it works.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1130788) )}
How long does it take to make this great?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1133536) )}
Everything in there that you need quotes. We got our top three. I think. Jeff, you captured slightly more than three. What did you end up at?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1141000) )}
Well, I had 64 when I first wrote it down, because I literally just wrote down every single thing that I always think about. But I know we can't talk about that many. I got it down to three.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1152088) )}
All right, what's number one for you?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1153600) )}
Number one for me is her biological clock is ticking, and she tells them about it, and then he just tells her all the problems he's having and why she shouldn't bring it up.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1165768) )}
Yeah, we'll play that one. I'll play that one.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1167976) )}
Oh, you have that. Okay, good.
{( speakerName('E') )} {( convertTime(1169572) )}
Well, I hate to bring it up, because I know you got enough pressure on you already, but we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is getting married. My biological clock is taken like this. And the way this case is going, I ain't never getting married.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1188310) )}
Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God.
{( speakerName('F') )} {( convertTime(1191208) )}
I do not need this right now, okay? I got a judge that's just aching to throw me in jail, an idiot who wants to fight me for $200.
{( speakerName('G') )} {( convertTime(1200904) )}
Slaughtered pigs, giant loud whistles. I ain't slept in five days.
{( speakerName('F') )} {( convertTime(1206844) )}
I have no money.
{( speakerName('G') )} {( convertTime(1208080) )}
A dress code problem.
{( speakerName('F') )} {( convertTime(1209616) )}
And a little murder case, which, in the balance holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your facial expressions right here.
{( speakerName('G') )} {( convertTime(1218220) )}
Biological clock, my career, your life, our marriage. And let me see, what else could we pile on? Is there any more shit we could pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?
{( speakerName('E') )} {( convertTime(1230190) )}
Is it possible maybe it was a bad time to bring it up?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1233808) )}
Dude, he kills it right there. And he's wearing, like, the. No, they totally did. Look, she's wearing, like, that tight floral jumpsuit. I don't even know what you call that. It's not jumpsuits, like, in it on. It on. She's got the boots, and he's wearing, like, the high top, like Ewings. They say, like, Ewing 33 on them. They're untied with Z kalvaricis and Cosby sweater, and they are just killing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1264978) )}
He's got, like, a big freaking gold medallion. And his facial expressions.
{( speakerName('G') )} {( convertTime(1268734) )}
What else?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1269308) )}
Is there anything else? He's, like, thinking he's, like, tapping himself on the face, like, looking off to the side.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1273952) )}
He reminds me so much of Mr. Pinoble. I can't even explain any words. So funny.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1279498) )}
Yeah. I mean, dude, you could pick pretty much any interaction Vinny and Mona Lisa have in this movie and put it in the list of the best quotes, because the back and forth between the two of them was just brilliant.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1289626) )}
Yes.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1290056) )}
Yeah. There was so well matched, performance wise, it was perfect.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1293932) )}
Like her in that one, too, is great. Meanwhile, my niece, the daughter of my sister. Yes, that's so freaking Italian Catholic. Brooklyn is perfect.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1303040) )}
And she's from Brooklyn and doesn't talk anything like that. No, but she knew the voice because she's from there.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1308272) )}
The first quote I got is the two utes. The two what?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1311290) )}
And then when he enunciates it better and says Utes, and then he goes, the two defendants, and then he turns and gives the same guy to judge, man. Do you write that? Is that something that you just let Joe Pesci do his thing? Like, how does that happen?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1326416) )}
That's a great question, Jenny. Is that an action note or is that just a performance?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1330210) )}
You can't always tell with the good actors. Sometimes they're just giving you so much wonderful material to work with that you find it in the editing room or you remember it on set and you're like, yeah, that has to be in. And then what you do is you go back and change the script. That's what happened.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1344284) )}
Nice. Yeah. Mrs. Reilly, apparently that whole bit that only Mrs. Riley was Joe Pesci just winging it. And they're like, that's awesome. Let's keep that in there.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1356920) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1357172) )}
Now it's in the script forever.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1358242) )}
That's fantastic.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1359358) )}
But, dude, when he says that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1364910) )}
Really enunciates, I like it.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(1366632) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1366872) )}
What's your next one?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1368084) )}
My next one is. Well, I have the imagine you have Radia. You prancing along like that whole thing that Jeanne was talking about, it's just you've met my wife. She's from New Orleans East. She's super. Yeti when she gets going, it sounds just like this. When we were watching the movie, she was like, saying it along with Marisa Tomaine. It sounds just like all of the things that I've heard her say sound just like this. And that one just sticks with me. I can't not pick the deer.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1397558) )}
I've tried to tell people about how similar the New Orleans accent and the Brooklyn accent is. And everyone was like, Why? And I'm like, I don't know. It is. It absolutely is. I tried to pick some quotes that were shorter because most of them were so long and they're genius. But I didn't want to read out four paragraphs. So my next one is identical.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1414166) )}
Nice.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1414836) )}
That one got a lot of run for a lot of years for me.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1417416) )}
Wrote down identical and hyenas. And you can probably guess how I spelled hyenas. I put both of those down at the bottom because I wanted to mention them, but that wasn't my next quote.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1428890) )}
What's your next quote again?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1430040) )}
I don't know if you call this a quote or this is a scene, but when they're talking about first of all, Danielson is telling him that they love to argue, and then they cut right to the scene where he's like, why am I hearing the faucet drip? Who were you the last one to do it? And then they just start riffing from there about the Craftsman Model 1019 Laboratory Edition Signature Series talk wrench, that whole thing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1455756) )}
And he sets it up just like a lawyer. He's like, you were in the bathroom just a minute ago. Did you use the faucet? Yeah, I use the faucet.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1463522) )}
Why am I listening to a trip? Yeah, that whole thing dead on. Ball is accurate. Yeah. And by the way, she said 16 foot pounds of torque. Apparently, if you use 16 foot pounds of torque, you would rip the faucet off by the stem. You need to use 16 inch pounds of torque.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1480502) )}
Yeah, that makes sense.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1481544) )}
Again, I don't know if that's just a quote or if that's a scene. It's like seven lines. I can't not put that down. It's fantastic.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1489802) )}
It's probably a scene.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1490738) )}
It's probably a scene, but it's phenomenal great. And we're not going to hold ourselves to these definitions. And my quote was the same as one of my scenes. It's Vinny and JTV ass kicking, which I tried to edit down, but I just couldn't do it. There's just too much. But, dude, oh, a counter offer. So option A, you kick my ass, and I could use a good ass kick. And I'd be perfectly honest with you. Or option B, kick your ass and collect $200. I think I would go with the $200.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1514304) )}
He's like taking off his jacket and handed it to him. All right, get the money. Then we'll fight. And he grabbed his jacket back.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1520076) )}
Jenny, do you have a quote to add? Do you have anything to add to that?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1522788) )}
Well, it would definitely be the quote from earlier, but there was also something that she said that I like her entrance to the film. She gets out of the car, she looks amazing. She looks like three Kardashians in one, right? Her makeup is so on point. Her outfit sticks out like a sore thumb, like he says. And he blames her for sticking out like a sore thumb. And he says that he's like, at least I'm wearing the boots. And she just goes, oh, yeah, you blend. And I just loved that so much from her. And right in the very beginning, just the spice coming off of her.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1555968) )}
And the best part is she holds her hand up. Oh, yeah, you blend like she's holding it next to her.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1561590) )}
There was no interaction between those two that I didn't think was hilarious. It was all slow. Yeah.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1568310) )}
I do have to bring some attention to the elephant in the room. And I'm sure this was possibly a problem at the time the movie came out. But she is a smoke show and she is so much younger than him, and he is a tiny old man. I will say performance wise, they were very well matched. But you do have to wonder if she got the role and then found out that her love interest was Joe Pesci. And she went, oh, absolutely.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1596936) )}
He was 49 and she was 27. Yeah.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1599106) )}
And there was a bit of a struggle to believe them together a tiny bit, but I will say that she sold it.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1605300) )}
So my wife has seen it a thousand times. I've seen it a thousand times. At one point I go, hey, is Joe actually wearing a wig? And then I looked it up and he's wearing a wig with facelift tape. And if you go back and watch the whole time, his eyes are like squinty because he wants to look younger, because he's dating Merci Tome.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1625906) )}
All I could stare at so weird. And then at one point I think it's the whistle noise or some noise, and he gets up in the middle of the night and I'm like, is this man just wearing a T shirt with no pants? Is he just winning the pooing? It out there and this sexy woman is in bed with it. It was insane to me. There were a few moments like that where you really struggled. But then she does sell it. Like she stares at him and she's so in love with him and proud of him. And they talk about their ten year history. And I'm like, all right, if that ten years wasn't there, I don't get it.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1659600) )}
It's hard to me to think of who could have done a better job than Joe Pesci. But that is the biggest struggle is like, how do you put her with him and expect anyone to believe that real life is happening? All right, cool. So is that all the quotes? Anybody have any other questions?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1672632) )}
That's all the quotes I got. Unless you want to count the other 61 that I had written down.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1678128) )}
If only look for the bonus content where it's 4 hours of us reading off my cousin codes and cackling.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1682798) )}
It's just us watching the movie and talking with him.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1685208) )}
Best three characters, obviously. Jt, my name's Sake. Chris Ellis is the actor. And I looked him up because I was like, that guy looks super familiar. He's done a ton of stuff. Days of Thunder, that thing you do, catch me if you can Armageddon, he's been in a million movies.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1698362) )}
Yeah, I recognized him from that thing you do. As soon as I saw it again, I was like, wait a second, that guy's got a van. We're all signing. You're signing? I'm signing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1707330) )}
I'm going to start my letter writing campaign to Tom Hanks. I think maybe next year to try to get him to do that thing you do in 1996. I think like a couple of letters a year, like maybe one a month for three years. Get him to come on the podcast.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1717766) )}
He's really into typewriters. So if you Typed in an actual typewriter and sent it to him, I bet he takes it. Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1723056) )}
I have a friend in Nashville who is a typewriter. I'll just do typewritten letters. Just one a month for like three years. Get them come on the podcast and talk about that thing you do in 1996. I think that's totally achievable, man. Who's your first?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1733964) )}
My first character is Lane Smith, who plays Jim Trotter III prosecutor. The guy who says identical and hyenas. He just kills it. His opening statement is another one that the Bar Association talks about how it's so well put together and how he uses physical space to walk over and he's like three witnesses and he's pointing at the witness stand and he sells it, man. I mean, I really liked him in this.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1761804) )}
Yeah, he was phenomenal. My next character is the judge, Fred Gwyn. I really liked him in this. He was most famous for playing Herman monster in the monsters, wearing the big Frankenstein like face and the giant shoes. And he got Sidecast after that for a long time, but he started to kind of pick up. Towards the end of his career, he did a bunch of animated stuff.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1778904) )}
This was his last movie.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1779974) )}
By the way, and he was great. He had that big droopy facial expressions, but a lot of them just his reaction looks were cracking me up.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1787700) )}
He said he went to Yale as a judge in real life. He went to Harvard.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1792238) )}
He went to Harvard.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1793042) )}
That's cool.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1793580) )}
Who else?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1794240) )}
My next one was Marisa Tome because her accent was freaking phenomenal and she's got it going on. She was really good. Just everything about her character was awesome.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1804464) )}
Jenny, I almost felt like Brittany Murphy and Clueless is almost doing an impersonation. There was this movie I just kept thinking about, it was so similar, and there was something about even that's just the lipstick was so identical and the gestures and everything, but yeah, obviously tome and Pesci, and then I kind of have to give it up to Ralph Machio. I feel like he's the least intimidating leading man that's ever been. I know he wasn't a lead in this, but he certainly has been a lead. And I don't know how he pulls that off, but he just seems like such a sweet guy. I thought he did great with the part.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1840476) )}
I think he was billed here as a co lead, and Roger Ebert in the review was like Ralph Machio was the co lead and they didn't have anything to do.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1848252) )}
He just sat there with his mustache and tried to not go to jail.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1852262) )}
Yeah, his mustache is on my worst for this movie.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1855470) )}
I know how you love the mustache, dude. My last one is Austin Pendleton, who plays John Gibbons, the guy with the stutter public defender. Dude. When I saw it again for the first time in a long time when I watched it, and he is hitting the guy on the shoulder when he's trying to think of the word, and they show it back over his shoulder and you could see, like, Ralph Macchio and Vinny and they're all laughing at the table I was like, oh, man, this guy's killing it. I went and looked it up. I had to figure out, like, how is he so good at this? He actually has a stutter in real life. So he didn't want to take this, but he did it as a favor to the director. And apparently on set, they just had to keep doing takes of him doing it because it was so hilarious that the jury would start laughing. Like, when he shows us this prosecution and he's going and he's, like, spinning all over, they all lost it. He had to do it, like, three and four times. That's great if you can make that many people laugh.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1914386) )}
Are you saying he wasn't faking it?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1916112) )}
No, he was definitely faking it.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1918044) )}
Okay.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1918512) )}
But he grew up with a stutter, and that's why he didn't want to take it at first.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(1922172) )}
Because I was like, wait, that just puts a whole new light on it. And I'm uncomfortable.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1926266) )}
He was definitely acting, but he had a stutter when he was younger, and that's why he didn't want to take it first.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1931016) )}
But decided to I put him as an honorable mention for my best character because I think he had the highest batting average in this whole movie as far as, like, lines for laughs, because almost everything you said killed me. You were not wearing your necessary prescription glasses. They're reading glasses. He's a tough one.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1949610) )}
And he's sweating the whole time.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1951848) )}
Dude, he was absolutely killing me. My last character was Joe Pesci, who's just so angry. He's so funny, and I just love the angry, small Brooklyn Italian man energy. Yeah, he's good just because it reminds me of a lot of people that we grew up with, like, PJ Noble, who are just angry Italian men who are just like that, that yell all the time and wear gold chains. And I love it.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(1973628) )}
Fantastic. I got no other characters, though.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(1976388) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(1976652) )}
So let's talk about Marissa Tomaker. She wins the Oscar for this role, best supporting actress in the 1993 Oscars, which are 419, 92 movies. And everyone for the last 30 years has been making fun of that. Like, it was like a fluke, but I pulled the list of the other nominees. It's Judy Davis for Husbands and Wives, Joan Plowright for Enchanted, April, Vanessa Redgrave for Howard's End and Miranda Richardson for Damage. I don't know any of those movies.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2002214) )}
I don't remember any of those movies.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2003774) )}
Wait, can we talk about bad characters?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2006690) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2007312) )}
What about the guy who eats the whole chicken leg in one bite?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2012138) )}
Pulled it right out.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2013360) )}
That was so repulsive.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2015822) )}
And it's not a like a boot stuck in mud, hands down.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2019192) )}
Least favorite moment, price.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2020488) )}
How many takes did he do where he ate a whole chicken wing? I've watched people eat, like, chicken wings, like the tiny little drums like that. But that was a full size.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2030160) )}
That was a drum.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2031218) )}
Chicken leg.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2032356) )}
Yeah, dude, I have in the notes for the best. It's like Alabama just being Alabama. Like, it's still just exactly like this. It's not aged at all.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2040816) )}
Speaking of which, the sack of suds is still open.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2043864) )}
Yeah, in Georgia, it's in Georgia.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2045966) )}
But it's still open. That place where they filmed it is still there. And they sell two utes tuna in a can. It's like their brand of tuna, because when you think tuna, you think Georgia, you do chicken.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2056946) )}
Empathy. Writer Dale Loner also wrote Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Love Potion Number Nine. He doesn't have a ton of credits, but Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Love Potion Number Nine, my cousin Vinny. That's pretty solid. I'm wondering why there aren't more credits because this movie is so freaking good. The pacing is great, the plotting is great, the characterization is great. The quotes are slim. I mean, did this guy just have, like a burst of brilliance? Was there a lot of uncredited punch up work? Like what happens to a guy who writes a couple of great movies and then disappears?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2085134) )}
I'm going to go ahead and say he's just tired.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2086958) )}
Yeah, he's tired.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2089322) )}
His studio notes, he's tired of it. I have no idea. I'm sure there was a lot of uncredited punch at work or uncredited heavy lifting, but yeah, I don't know. I wonder this myself because I would love that career. Just be like, hey, three, and I'm out. I'm done. I'm hanging it up.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2110188) )}
You have any more best, Jeff?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2112314) )}
I don't have any best.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2114040) )}
Jenny, you have any more best?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2115672) )}
I don't. Did I skip ahead to the worst? Are we going through worst now?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2119248) )}
Totally. It doesn't matter. Jenny, will you tell us as a stylish woman about Mona Lisa Vito's clothing in this movie?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2125922) )}
I will. I don't know, actually. I think everything she had on is making a weird comeback, which I don't understand. Yeah, right. I don't fully understand, but I think that she was definitely over the top, but it looked so good on her. And again, I will point out her makeup was so on point in this movie. She looked like what the Kardashians are having plastic surgery, too.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2155290) )}
She had the one, like, white streak of hair, like Rogue from The X Men.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2160060) )}
I'm telling you, she could do way better than Joe Pesci in this movie, but she doesn't know that and she loves him and that's all that.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2166108) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2166708) )}
And her hair and makeup looked great even when she was supposed to be going to bed. So she was like cleaning her, I don't know, pantyhose in the sink. And that was like right when Joe Pesci was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared. And she's just wearing like a smoking hot night gown. But she looked great in that also. She was killing it.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2188188) )}
Yeah. It was just in her T shirt and underwear. She looked amazing. And then when Joe did that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2194770) )}
I was going to say he didn't like it when it was a Yankees T shirt on a 49 year old man.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2200290) )}
No. Why would they not cut that out?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2205570) )}
Jenny, I have some questions for you. The first one is, where do you rank the name Mona Lisa, Vito and the great character name pantheon. I have some names for you I'm going to throw out. You can say better or worse once I get to the end.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2218392) )}
Sure.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2218776) )}
Like Coltrickle from Days of Thunder Knox over street. One of my favorites, Indiana Jones. Obviously. Trinity from The Matrix is the name I think is underrated Foxy Brown, Corella Deville. I feel like Mona Lisa Vito has got to be in that conversation.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2232090) )}
Here's why I agree with you. Because if you're naming your character that she's got to live up to it in an authentic way and she just knocked it out of the park. She does. She deserves the name Mona Lisa. It was so good. Mona Lisa.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2247074) )}
Yes.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2247276) )}
She absolutely. She fully owned that. There was never a moment where you doubted that was Mona Lisa. There could be a person named Mona Lisa Bida who would do in all of those things.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2255688) )}
And because she's Italian, Mona Lisa was her first name. And she also had a middle name, probably. And Vito was her last name.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2262690) )}
Yes.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2264070) )}
I feel like naming if I was going to try to write something, naming would be one of the hardest things for me. Are you good at naming stuff, Jenny? Is there a trick?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2270486) )}
I do enjoy it. I don't think there's a trick. I enjoy it. I don't know why, but I tend to have a bad memory. But I will remember someone's great name and I will use it later. I'm writing a movie now, and I met someone named Gilly years ago, and of course, there was the SNL sketch. But this girl is such a Gilly that it's like, I don't know. There's something once you name the character and it really works, it just kind of feels good in your gut.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2299358) )}
Right.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2299824) )}
That doesn't sound too pretentious.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2301938) )}
No, not at all.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2302980) )}
But I also feel like as a TV writer, you have to keep up with the new name.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2308020) )}
Right.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2308848) )}
Like you can't be having Rachel's anymore or even just anyone. My generator like Lindsay, Sin, Lauren, Jennifer Madison. You got to have the Madison now. You got to have the Campbells. And the boys are all Colton.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2326650) )}
It sounds like you're reading my Role for my high school kids. That's what it sounds like.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2331750) )}
Yeah. I mean, you do you have to keep up with it. Because, again, if you write something and then it doesn't get produced for a few years later and you've got these old lame names, they got to be changed.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2342714) )}
Never would have thought of that.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2343960) )}
I do have a writing room question for you if you get assigned. So, like, all right, the whole writer's room, let's say, breaks out a season at the beginning and says, here's the kind of what's going to happen over the course of the season, and you chop it up into episodes, and then you assign an episode to individual writers and they go and write a draft. If you get assigned an episode and that episode, for whatever reason, like, needs a new character, a speaking role, do you create that character, name them, or does that, like a show runner has to sign off on it?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2370420) )}
If you have to accomplish a certain thing in a scene and a character will help you do that, you throw the character in here's a character, and then you're getting something called character payments every time that character reappears in someone else's episode throughout the series in perpetuity for the person who originated that particular character. Yeah. So you have created that character, and now you will get it's a very small payment, but you still get it and makes you feel good.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2397300) )}
Yeah, absolutely.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2398080) )}
You're like, they're paying attention to me.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2399592) )}
Awesome. That's really cool.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2401008) )}
That has no bearing at all on this movie, but I just am super interested about that stuff, as you know, ask me anything.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2406948) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2407260) )}
I think the other question I had was how did you get your first writing gig? Would you tell quickly that story? Do you have to have a strong preference for the Oxford. Comma or do you have to know how to use a semicolon? Those are things I want to know.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2417856) )}
You don't. I love an Oxford comma, and people take them out. And I'm like, no. And I put it right back in. It gets real passive aggressive. You don't have to even have correct grammar because the writer's assistant will be correcting everything that you do wrong. Anyway, what was your original question?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2436996) )}
What was the pathway to the first writing gig?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2438966) )}
Oh, it was actually I got to audition for SNL Saturday Night Live for those people who might not know.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2444352) )}
Just joking.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2444834) )}
Everyone knows that I auditioned for that. I met with Lauren. I had that weird meeting with Lauren, which was so bizarre. And then after that, it was like the first time because I had been trying for years and years to break in. But if you get to audition and then you get a meeting with Lauren, people want to read your script. And I just happen to have one because the writing partner that I told you about, she had lied to an executive and said that she had a pilot. I mean, this was like probably a month before I went to audition. She called me and she says, I lied to somebody. I got to have a pilot. We have four days to write it. So we wrote a pilot in four days. We had no idea what we were doing, but it works. And if you're a very naive kid and you have no idea what you're doing, and that's the only thing to go on, you know nothing about structure. You only know what you think would be hilarious. And somehow we squeaked out a pilot that got us gigs.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2496938) )}
That's awesome.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2497896) )}
That is super awesome. I love that story. I love everything about it. And when I lived in La, I don't even think you can classify that as lying. If someone asks you if you have something. I was playing music, and if someone had asked me if I had a novel, I'm like, yeah, I have a novel. Would you want to read it on Tuesday?
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2512718) )}
Right.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2512992) )}
And I would have gone and written one and handed it to them.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2515620) )}
That's genuinely my career advice. It's like lie and figure it out, truly, because they would say, you don't have the experience, but can you do this job? Yes. And then you get into the writer's room and you just figure it out.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2529588) )}
That's awesome. I can't wait for any of my students to listen to this where you started off by saying you don't have to have proper grammar, and then they said, lie and figure it out.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2538096) )}
I am so sorry.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2539476) )}
That's what they need to hear, man.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2540868) )}
Yeah, that's exactly what they need to hear.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2542188) )}
It's horrifyingly. True.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2543316) )}
My philosophy for everything is, like, anything I'm nervous about doing, I just go to myself like, stupid people are already doing this. I'm sure I can figure it out.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2549928) )}
Yeah, you definitely.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2550648) )}
I mean, stupid people are all the way at the top.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2553750) )}
All the way through, all the way to the top.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2555424) )}
All the way up there, for sure.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2557596) )}
Yeah. I think that's the only question I have for you. Jeff, do you have any questions for Jenny?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2561906) )}
No, because this is the first time I met her, and I didn't know what was going on.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2565528) )}
That's perfect. All right, cool. Jenny, I think we will let you go back to your life and wrap this thing up.
{( speakerName('C') )} {( convertTime(2573316) )}
Thank you both so much. This is so fun. I love my cousin Denny, and I can't wait to listen to this whole thing again and your next episode. I'm a fan. Thank you for having me.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2583732) )}
Thank you so much.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2584680) )}
That's awesome. Yeah. Thanks for coming. It was fun.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2586588) )}
All right. Awesome. That was Jenny Baton, our guest.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2589578) )}
Yeah, that was awesome. That was fun.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2591472) )}
That was great, man. It's so cool to be able to talk to people who actually know what the they're talking about.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2596116) )}
Right?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2596644) )}
Unlike me and you. And I think the plan for guests going forward is going to be kind of like that. We're going to try to bring on people who number one, we think are interesting and who like movies and then hopefully can also teach us some stuff, which should be pretty easy because we don't know anything.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2609724) )}
Absolutely nothing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2610792) )}
All right. Worst of this movie, you got the worst.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2613014) )}
No, dude, I don't have a worst. I could not find a part that didn't either need to be there because it fit for the story or I wanted to do a different way. I just liked it.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2625396) )}
The guy that was accused of murder with Ralph Macchio, with Daniel San Stan, the character's name. He annoyed the crap out of me, but I think he was supposed to be annoying. I think he was acting it exactly right. Every time he would say something, it was annoying.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2638718) )}
Did you read who tried out for that part originally?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2641298) )}
No one.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2642040) )}
Mr. William Smith, the Fresh Prince.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2645042) )}
Nice. That would have been a total waste of Will Smith because that guy did nothing except was like a whiney.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2650550) )}
Yeah, agreed.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2652182) )}
Him I didn't love. But also, I think you could have written that guy to have been the counterpoint to Daniel son and not have been a total sniveling coward who is super annoying.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2663246) )}
I think he acted it pretty well because if you hate him, you were supposed to. I think totally.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2668046) )}
I'm not like mad at the actor. I just think that part was written to be annoying and I wanted it to be less annoying.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2672930) )}
I didn't have any worse scenes or worse characters, but I did have worse CGI.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2676290) )}
Yes, it hit me with that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2677320) )}
They're sleeping in the car after the owl is screeching and it sounds like a Velociraptor outside and it runs outside in the jacket and T shirt and title shoes and that's it shooting the gun. And then it starts raining. It's like I don't see no stalls. And then the lightning strikes. The lightning was wow, I think not better than City Slickers. Not better than City Slickers.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2701178) )}
T two.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2702370) )}
Yes. It wasn't better than T two either. I didn't like it because it was like the same shot just mirrored, and they did it twice. And then when it started raining, I could see like, you can't see it, but you can see where all the rain is concentrated as it's coming from the sticker or the you can tell there's a rain machine.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2721902) )}
Like off out of frame.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2723738) )}
And I don't like that. They need to either back it out away so I can't tell or do something else.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2729808) )}
Again, I don't know anything, but I think when I can tell that there's a rain machine, what's happening is there's not also a wind machine blowing the rain around like it's just dropping straight out, like it's a giant shower head.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2738436) )}
And this looks like one of those ones where it's like spraying out in a circle, kind of up it's right off frame. So it's like super concentrated right in the corner of the screen and then it's coming down.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2749056) )}
This thing is fantastic.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2750210) )}
We're nitpicking right then the other CGI I didn't like was his face lip tape, which, by the way, I went down a super long wormhole of YouTube. It's like tape that you stick to your face and then it wraps around behind your head and it's got these loops on it and you hook it and then can tighten it down to just, like, give yourself a home facelift, and then you just put a wig over the top of that and you're done.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2773584) )}
I didn't know that he had that, but it didn't work because I didn't think that he was 27. I thought that he was 48 or whatever age he really was.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2781528) )}
Yeah, well, this is the thing, too. I've seen that movie 1000 million times, and I never saw that. And then I saw it this past time. And then I told Kat, and now she's like, you ruined the movie for me.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2793072) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2793600) )}
You can never see it, right. All I see now is Asian Joe Pesci because his eyes are pulled so freaking tight.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2800454) )}
Old tech alert. I mean, it's Alabama in the early 90s. It's only old tech. There's a couple of giant computers. All the cars are, like, from the 60s and 70s. Yeah, but I didn't see.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2810652) )}
Like, there was a payphone. She was on a payphone.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2813498) )}
There was a payphone. And also the district attorney, Jim Trotter, the third calls on an old school, like, Motorola bag phone from his car.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2821980) )}
Yes, I saw that.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2823084) )}
It was like a freaking.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2824118) )}
What did he ask before he called on that phone? You got a Xerox machine.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2827346) )}
I got a Xerox machine over there. And you could see in the shot, not only was he calling from the bag phone, but you could see the external antenna from the phone that was mounted to the car window.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2837462) )}
Yeah. And they had the curly wire. It was like a connected for people who are under the age of 30.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2843412) )}
You might have to go Google Motorola bag phone. But my dad had one. And I remember having to, like, you called it a car phone because you could take it out of the car, bring it into the house and plug it in, and it came in a freaking leather suitcase.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2854658) )}
And it was three point $49 a minute. It was ridiculous.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2859854) )}
Dude. You had like a set amount of minutes. I remember at one point, my dad's phone had like 40 minutes a month. And of course, you couldn't text. The only thing you do is talk. You had to in your head, plan out what you were going to say if you had to make a call so that you could dial the number.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2874432) )}
Wait a second. Is that why Mr. Chuck and then hang up? Is that why he does that?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2879496) )}
Dude, that could be why my dad hangs up before the conversation is done. That might have been just a refresh.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2884898) )}
It might be Motorola's fault.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2886782) )}
They're in the 349 a minute cellphone era, man.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2889372) )}
That's awesome. Also, Judge Haller keeps getting faxes from New York with all the information on it. Also, I wrote down her pink Kodak Disc 3600 camera. Yeah, it's a great one that uses those discs. That was pretty cool. And then the last thing I wrote down was Alabama was using the electric chair, and they still use the electric chair to this day.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2913072) )}
Of course they do, and it probably works just like the one in the movie did, where it takes like, three times to get killed a guy and his head catches on fire.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2918904) )}
They are one of the seven States that still use as an alternative execution method, and South Carolina is the only one starting 2021 that uses it as a primary way of executing people that's the number one way to do it in South Carolina is catch their head on fire.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2934480) )}
I think it would be cool for some of those States that are still using the electric chair to at least consider running it off solar power. Just go green with it.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2941500) )}
Yeah, I don't think that's the thing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2942940) )}
No, not so much. The only other stuff I had for the worst, I already mentioned Daniel Sans mustache. I hated it. And then the last one, Vinnie and Mona Lisa keep getting woken up early in the morning anywhere they're staying by all these crazy loud sounds. So there's a bunch of shots, like scenes that start with them in bed together, and I don't know if you noticed, but when they're in bed together, she's laying on her back and he's, like, laying on his stomach, but he's laying one whole arm across her.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2967408) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2968308) )}
And she's kind of hugged up to them, and then they both jolt out of bed. And every time I was like, who the sleeps on top of someone like that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(2975280) )}
Yeah, dude. When he lays in bed and gets in bed after reading and pulls the covers over and she's, like, facing her back to the camera and he puts his arm around her, it looks like he is trying to suffocate her. You're preaching to the choir on this one. We have a remarkably large bed in my bedroom. We have separate covers so we don't have to fight over that.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(2997450) )}
Dude, if I could fit a second King size bed next to my current King size bed, I would do a King size bed each, because even the King size bed is not room enough. Don't touch me while I'm sleeping. Definitely don't have an arm across me. What the Hell's the matter with you people?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3010068) )}
Just trying to arm bar you and just hold you down.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3012192) )}
I mean, I'm saying, like, if I'm Joe Pesci and I'm 48 and I'm in bed with 27 year old Marissa Tommy, I probably am trying to put as much of my body on top of her body as I can get away with, but when I saw it in the movie, I was like, no one sleeps like that. Who's been together for ten years. No touchy.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3027158) )}
Yeah, I'm with you. And it's probably hot in Alabama. And those places didn't look like they had a lot of AC going.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3032784) )}
No, definitely not.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3033960) )}
That's why he's sleeping in an oversized Yankee T shirt with no underwear.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3039330) )}
Yes, give us our fake Hammond ad reading.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3041642) )}
This is a deep cut. I don't know if you're going to know this one. At Bonanza Steakhouse Buffet and Hammond, you can get all you can eat steak and it's cooked to perfection. And not only will it be the best steak you've ever eaten, but you could have all you care to eat, but you don't have to take my word for it. Come visit us at 14 175 US Highway 190 in Hammond and Place Centipede or Gallagher. While you wait, you can have your baby, Mr. Randy's mom wait on you. For an extraordinary experience. The all you can eat fresh tasty food bar comes with unlimited steak for 749 and had endless golden fried shrimp for only 199. Don't forget to visit our Sunday bar for dessert. Bonanza Steakhouse Buffet located inside the Best Western and Hammond near I 55 down the street from Kmart and Del Champs. All of our employees at Bonanza Steakhouse Buffet have been vaccinated for hepatitis A.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3091570) )}
If you want to know whether a Steakhouse is high quality, if the restaurant includes the word buffet or inside the Best Western, you can rest assured that it is not high quality steak. That's awesome. That brings me to Hi, I'm Troy McClure.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3105534) )}
You may remember me from such nature films as Earwigs OOH and man vs. Nature, The Road to Victory.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3114190) )}
I got two for Troy McClure for this movie. The first one is the automotive expert played by the actor James Rebhorn.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3120810) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3121360) )}
He was in Scent of a Woman, Basic Instinct, Independence Day, Talented Mr. Ripley. He's been in a ton of movies. As soon as I saw him, I was like, that guy. I definitely know that guy from Stuff.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3129712) )}
I recognize his eyebrows. And Talented Mr. Ripley is what I thought of first. I love that movie.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(3135306) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3135688) )}
And the other one is the Sheriff.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3137478) )}
Who was he on? I didn't recognize it.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3139384) )}
The Sheriff. The actor's name is Bruce McGill. He was in a ton of stuff. Animal House Collateral. But to me, he will always and forever be Jack Dalton on McGiver.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3148626) )}
Yeah, I got you. And as soon as I was talking about my cousin Vinny with a guy from work, Chris, and that's the first name he pulled out of the hat when he looked at it, he was like, oh, man, I didn't know he was in this. Yeah, that's awesome.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3161020) )}
I used to watch MacGyver a lot when I was a kid, and I was like, I was in MacGyver. I remember him.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3164332) )}
Yeah. There's a new MacGyver, and it's not MacGyver at all. And I don't like it past. Yes. I didn't write down you may Remember Me stuff, but I did write down the four people of note that tried out for the Joe Pesci role.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3176178) )}
Oh, nice. It hit me.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3177280) )}
It was Danny DeVito, John Lovitz, Jim Belushi all took a pass on it. Andrew Dice Clay is actually the person that it was kind of in a roundabout way written for and was going to do it and it didn't work out. And apparently every time it comes on TV, like in his book, he talked about like every time it comes on TV, he tells his daughter, yeah, that could have been me. That's messed up. But Joe Pesci can't do any better than that if you're going to be compared to anybody. So it was going to be dice and it turned out not to be. I think it worked out, yes.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3208936) )}
I'm very happy that it wasn't dice because I was never a big fan of his comedy, much less his acting.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3213474) )}
You got to have a special place in your heart for somebody like that if you're going to like him.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3217372) )}
Nice. Anything else?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3219016) )}
Yes, I did. So you talked about the writer Dale.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3221802) )}
Dale Honor.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3222462) )}
Yeah. He wrote Pushing Number nine daughter Rat and scheduled Supply Dayton Eddie, the director, did Clue. Clue with Tim Roth and all those guys.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(3231460) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3231664) )}
Not to be confused with Clueless.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3233590) )}
Yeah, not Clueless, but Clue like the board game. And on the same year he directed Distinguished Gentlemen Nice. And he did the whole Nine Yards with Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis. And he did Fighting Temptations with Cuba Good and Jr and Beyonce.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3246126) )}
I like those movies.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3247242) )}
Yeah. They had some other movies that I liked. What else?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3249784) )}
Five questions. Is it okay for kids? What age? I have to assume not okay for kids. There's like 35 F bombs in this movie.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3256302) )}
I think there's probably more than that. It seemed like if you want to teach your kids how to curse, this movie is the frigging Sesame Street of dirty words. They really paint a picture with dirty words. They work in profanity the way other artists work in oil and clay, like they killed it. So there's a lot of that. The judge smokes if smoking is an issue, sex. There's some make out stuff, but not really. There's a dead clerk. He shoots the gun in the air. He's got the one punch where he just jumps at JT and hits them at the same time, the flying punch. So all of that, I would say, depending on your child's exposure and awareness of profanity, I would give it somewhere between eleven and 15.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3298012) )}
I'm with that. I don't care about profanity. So the sooner my kid can watch this, the better.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3301336) )}
Yeah, absolutely.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3302380) )}
Would this movie get made if it were pitched now?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3304396) )}
Yeah, I think so.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3305128) )}
I think so, too, man. I mean, a fish out of water comedy with some people from Brooklyn down in Alabama defending against a murder case. I love that. I love that idea. Let's do that.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3314248) )}
So is it a movie or TV show?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3315832) )}
I think it's got to be a movie. It's fun to come up with ways to turn these into TV shows. But this, I think.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3320224) )}
Would be such a good movie if it was concise again. It doesn't get too long then. Yes. I say movies.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3325870) )}
Who do you have for the lead if we remake it?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3328000) )}
I sat and thought, who could I have to do this? And I swear I couldn't think of anybody. Like, I don't want to change any characters. I hope you have some people.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3337792) )}
I got one. But I think you're going to like it.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3339676) )}
Yes.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3340096) )}
In honor of one of our favorite movies that we'll do later this year, A League of Their Own, I propose Vinny. Rosie O'Donnell, 22, 22. She does the freaking great Brooklyn accent. She's so funny. She's so sarcastic. And for Mona Lisa, Vito Marisa Tome, I just put her back there.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3358750) )}
Keep that going.
{( speakerName('') )} {( convertTime(3359872) )}
Yeah.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3360220) )}
Dude, she still looks amazing. She could perfectly play it. Rosie O'Donnell And Marisa Tome, if you see that we're remaking My Cousin Vinny, and those are the Vinny and Mona Lisa. Tell me you wouldn't be excited.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3369390) )}
It depends. Is Rosie O'Donnell's going to run out onto a balcony wearing just an oversized Yankee shirt and some underwear with Dick holes in the front?
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3379030) )}
Dude, imagine Rosie O'Donnell in the boots and the shirt. Like, out on the porch just shooting a gun at you. I think it would be hilarious. I think she'd be great.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3389128) )}
Yeah. I tried so hard to come up with somebody. I got nothing.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3393916) )}
I did, too. I don't know any modern actors in the 20 to 40 range that I think could pull this off. I know they're out there, but I don't know who they are.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3403720) )}
Yes, I don't either. So I say let's pitch it again, and we do it just now with the same actors.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3409782) )}
That would be great, too. Can you still watch and enjoy this movie in 2022?
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3413488) )}
Yes, and also in 2023 in 2021 and constantly for the rest of my life. I know I'm going to watch it a hundred more times, dude.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3421434) )}
This is one for sure that I would very happily watch a couple of times a year. And I would never be upset if it was. I mean, I don't have TV anymore, so stuff doesn't just appear in front of me. But if I was in a hotel and I was like, oh, what am I going to watch? Like, My Cousin Vinny, Bam, done. Like, My Cousin Vinny. Like Fifth Element. Like, there are movies that if they're on, I'll just turn them on and watch them. Just watch them.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3441952) )}
Yes. You can find it on all your major platforms. You can rent it for 399.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3445804) )}
You can. It's streaming on HBO Max, and you can rent it for 399. Thanks so much for listening. The next episode will come out the day before my birthday, and I just looked up what it is and happy birthday to me. Next up, Under Siege.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3459294) )}
Oh, man, start writing your quips, dude.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3462486) )}
I've been trying to come up with some Steven Segal Zingers. I got a couple and I'm stealing them from all over the internet. None of this is original but I just can't wait under Siege 92 classic and I assure you the only Stephen Segal movie we will ever do on this podcast.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3476766) )}
Unless somebody pays $100.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3478528) )}
Unless someone pays $100. That's right. That option is still out there. Please feel free to subscribe review. Leave us a review if you'd like to do you want to leave us a good review to counteract the bad review? If you want to go to Movielife crisis.com and leave us an email follow us on Twitter you can buy us chimney dogs support the arts through our website.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3494356) )}
Support the arts.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3495978) )}
We are the arts.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3497346) )}
Let's take Jenny again. That's fun.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3498976) )}
Yeah, Jenny. Thanks so much. That was awesome. Yeah, you blend.
{( speakerName('B') )} {( convertTime(3502722) )}
Oh, yeah, you blend.
{( speakerName('A') )} {( convertTime(3507590) )}
Thanks for listening to movie life crisis. Please subscribe rate and review and remember don't drive angry.